I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Randomize
