If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
i will never coherently bang her
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize