I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
