Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Randomize
