I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
