i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
