You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
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