i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
There was a lot of him and a little penis
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
