If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
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After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
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There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
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