I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
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