You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
