Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
