Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
