do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
All I want is dick and wine.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
