i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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