i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
