textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Randomize
