I love black thongs
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
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