Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Randomize
