I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
