He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
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