Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Randomize
