I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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