are you so shy because you have an std?
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
