please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
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