...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Randomize
