sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Randomize
