So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
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