well I can't set my house on fire every night
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
