He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
Did I show you my penis last night?
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
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