why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
My feet surprised me
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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