You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
