I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
