Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
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