Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Randomize
