Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Randomize
