for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
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