nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Randomize
