when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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