yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
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i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
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It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
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