that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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