Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
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