just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Randomize
