high people should be assigned attendants
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
