GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
my liver is dry heaving
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
