well I can't set my house on fire every night
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
