I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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