I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Randomize
