I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Randomize