I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Randomize
