you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
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