Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
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