my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
