my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Randomize
