Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
