i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Well I just put wine in my tea
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
