I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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