if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
