i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
