I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Randomize
