I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
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