i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
