you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
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