look no pants
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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