I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
