I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
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