i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Randomize
