That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
